Well, that didn't go the way I'd hoped. I just got done writing this awesome post and then pushed the publish button without saving and poof. Just like that the post is gone and nothing got publish. Slightly annoying but made me chuckle a little.
I suppose that is a little like what being a working mother is. You put all this work in and you push the publish button without saving and poof its all gone. I mean to say, you never really know what is being saved or not saved, but I can say that if you are consistent your kids are saving all those memories. I know this to be true from my own childhood.
Either way it has been over a week since I last posted, and I believe that is completely indicative to being a full time working mother. There just isn't enough time. I have 2 little boys and with my husband deployed I am every adjective in the book that equates to not having enough time. I am literally always sprinting. And thats ok. I know I can't get it all in, but I will try to get as much in as I can.
I am still wading through the muck of work as I do my best to trust the process (and the people) and let the pieces fall where they may. However, as the days go on I am finding that to be more and more difficult. I come to a place daily that I am not even sure anyone even knows I am actually here. This can be exponentially frustrating when you pride yourself on being an efficient, hard worker and you feel like the time you are contributing to the job is just wasted time. I mean I am a working mother...I don't just have time to be wasting. I have errands I could run or children I could be with. Please please please don't waste my time. But alas, I find myself sitting here for the 5th week in limbo waiting for the process to work and the next move to be made.
My patience is waining, but I am doing what I can to turn to the one who knows all. I am striving to rise above the weakness of my emotions and stay strong in my faith that all will be well. I red two verses yesterday that hit me hard.....
"We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."-Romans 5:3-4
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."-2 Corinthians 12:9
Maybe go back and re-read those verses. Whew. These words have penetrated to the core of me. I loose my breath a little bit. What difficult concepts to actually digest and accept. His grace is sufficient. Rejoice in our sufferings. Boast gladly about my weaknesses. I don't know if I can do that. Well at least not continually. But what God calls us to do isn't easy. It is hard. And His grace is sufficient. He knows all. He sees all. His is the opinion that matters most. SO, am I living the working mother life that He would be proud of?
Just the other day I woke up for work, got dressed and was just about to leave when Wynn, my 7 month old woke up. He had the biggest smile and the brightest eyes. His beautiful bluish, hazel eyes looked at me as if to say "good morning mommy. come hold me." How could I resist! I knew I needed to go if I wasn't going to be late for work, but how could I walk away. I walked over to him, picked him up from his bed, and held him close. He snuggled into my chest. He wanted to nurse. I sat down, held him in my lap and took time to be with my child. My mind was ever watchful of the clock, but my heart was exactly where it was supposed to be. It occurred to me in that moment that it is so easy to forget what is most important.
Looking at my sweet babies face nestled into me, I thought to myself...when I am no longer working will I look back and think, "man, I can't believe I didn't get to work on time that day or days. I really missed out on some important things." Or will I look back and think, "MAN! I am so glad I took that little bit of extra time to be close with my child and nurse him when he needed me." I have spoken with so many mothers and even fathers that are nearing the end of their careers and the same sentiment I always hear is how they let those first precious years of their children's lives slip right through their fingers. I suppose they were able to comfort themselves with the fact that their children wouldn't remember that time lost. But do they really not remember? I know I certainly will remember. I don't want to ever look back with regret on what I may have missed with these little humans God has gift me. Their time spent with us (their parents) is such a small fraction of time in the grand scheme. We can't afford to waste one moment.
So how are you going to look back on your time with your little humans? What strides are you taking to take that little bit of extra time? Today I got a few more sweet moments with my Wynn and work was still right where I left it when I got in ;)
I am a Christ follower, a wife, a mother of 3 boys and was an active duty member of the United States Air Force for 8 1/2 year. I medially retired in December 2018 from the Air Force and I know work as a Fitness and yoga instructor, I run the customer service experience for a local swim school and I am a Doula. I am also working on my Master's in social work.