I think I have been avoiding writing about passion since I started this blog. It is the one theme I keep coming back to over and over again in my daily conversations. However, I think the real reason I have been avoiding writing about this has to do with the fact that following my passions would be in direct conflict with a steady stream of money. Ugh!! The worst dilemma.
Currently, I find myself in a well-paid job; but it is doing something I don’t love. It is forcing myself to a place every day that doesn’t fulfill me. I find myself daydreaming often about what life would be like if I just up and followed my passions. On the one hand it seems exciting and wonderful. In my mind I am super productive. I am loving every day. And life just makes the most since. However, my day dream bubble is just as quickly burst as it began, when reality hits me. Money…. The almighty dollar. The driver of life comfort.
(side note: Notice, I didn’t say life happiness. Although I may not be doing what I love right now, money is not the driver of my happiness. I like to say most often I am life rich and work poor…..for now at least ;)
It’s at this point I try not to hit the panic button and start worrying or stressing out. I have been getting better at it with practice. Nonetheless, I still worry and I still stress. Because either I keep doing the work that my heart is not fully in, but money is not really a worry. Or I take the risk and follow my heart and…..well….try really really hard not to worry and stress over not having many of the life comforts I have become accustom to.
Ah, there it is. The real dilemma. FEAR…. The fear of adjusting away from the comforts I have become accustom to. The upfront pain it will take to adjust. Yikes, is the feeling that almost overwhelms me to the point of paralyzing the very thought of following my dreams. Because there will be a groaning period of discomfort and adjustment. I just don’t know if I can bare it. Then I think, I must! I can’t let fear paralyze me.
In the newest book I am reading called Crazy Love by Francis Chan he makes quite an astounding observation. He says, “When I am consumed by my problems---stressed out about my life, my family, and my job---I actually convey the belief that I think the circumstances are more important than God’s command to always rejoice. In other words, that I have a “right” to disobey God because of the magnitude of my responsibilities.” You see in scripture God says/commands in Philippians 4:4 and 6, “Rejoice in the Lord always….Do not be anxious about anything.”
This hit home in a big way for me. How could I be so consumed to think that my problems or rather my dilemma isn’t something that should be given to God and let Him lead the way. So, as I struggle with the daily angst of dreaming to follow my heart and the current role I fill; I forget that it is all God’s plan and His plan is perfect. His time is perfect. Ok, ok, ok…..cut, copy, paste my words on patience. This is a daily reminder as well. To have the patience that my passions will be fulfilled, even actualized, in time. Not my time, but His time.
So I will continue the course, and stay keenly tuned into the taps on the shoulder He gives me through those around me. I am so excited for the things on the horizon. But I must temper my excitement with the reality of patience in His time. And rejoice in Him always as His plans for my life will be the actualization of my passions J
I am a Christ follower, a wife, a mother of 3 boys and was an active duty member of the United States Air Force for 8 1/2 year. I medially retired in December 2018 from the Air Force and I know work as a Fitness and yoga instructor, I run the customer service experience for a local swim school and I am a Doula. I am also working on my Master's in social work.