I have been thinking a lot about this word today. It has been starring me in the face in every task I have taken on. What is my purpose? My mind trailed back to the book Humility..."The humble man/woman feels no jealousy-or envy. He/She can praise God when others are preferred and blessed before him/her. He/She can bear to hear others praised and himself/herself forgotten, because in God's presence he/she has learnt to say with Paul, "I am nothing." He/She has received the spirit of Jesus, who pleased not Himself, and sought not His own honor, as the spirit of his life."
I have now read this quote a dozen times. It's profound calling has certainly stirred something in me. Reputation is something I think we all hold in high regard and is definitely something we all have much pride in for ourselves. But to what extent. In just writing that last sentence, I see the word pride and abhor the thought. How much do we allow pride to then rule our lives in the overwhelming and impossible task of preserving our reputation? The answer to this question for me is far to much. I am wrought with pride everyday, as I want to right all the wrongs done to me. Beyond that I feel pride compelling me to tell others how I have been wronged so they can side with me.
I found myself having this debate in my head on my drive this morning. I kept going over and over the injustices and wrong doings that seem so clear. I heard myself building the case for my honor and legitimacy. And then I stopped. I had to stop. I was spiraling out of control, and frankly, making myself sick. There is no case to build. There is no amount of going over a scenario time after time after time that will garner more understanding. I simply know that what has happened to me is wrong and God has seen it all. It is His sight that matters. So why am I trying so hard to legitimize my reputation to everyone else? Why am I trying to legitimize me? Which brings me back to humility.
Humility is what I strive everyday to have. But I don't want to just have humility, I want to BE HUMBLE. I want to bathe in humility daily. So that I am reminded of what really matters. So I can get out of my own way and see the gifts that are placed right in front of me. I want my outlook to give me power and strength. Not tear me down and make my mind spin until I have lost control.
I received a sweet gift from a dear friend yesterday. She sent me a bracelet with a little heart on it and a beautiful card that read, "Been thinking of you a great deal lately. Found this quote and it made me think so very much of you my strong friend, "the devil whispered in my ear, "you're not strong enough to withstand the storm." I whispered in the devil's ear, "I am the storm." All my love-X."
WOW!! What a sign, such great perspective, and the most amazing reflection today. Everything is connected and always comes full circle. Some circles are bigger than others. But there is always a silver lining. I think that silver lining is my purpose (all the little things :). You put good out there and good is surely going to come back to you. Humility is my daily goal. To strive to be better than I am now so that others may see Christ in me. Reputation is not everything. It is simply the limitations that man puts on one another. It can only hold power if we allow pride to rule. Today I am choosing to not let pride rule. Let what happens happen, but I will rest easy knowing I was led by the most humble.
I now pose this question to anyone reading...what's your purpose?
I am a Christ follower, a wife, a mother of 3 boys and was an active duty member of the United States Air Force for 8 1/2 year. I medially retired in December 2018 from the Air Force and I know work as a Fitness and yoga instructor, I run the customer service experience for a local swim school and I am a Doula. I am also working on my Master's in social work.